42
How tripped out is it that it can be a day like any other when suddenly, out of the blue, tragedy strikes and nothing is ever the same again? It sends you reeling, grasping at the details of an ordinary life... I know what it’s like to be finally and firmly on the outside of everything.
tv fathers
Whole lifetimes passed of barely being there, I was a flimsy ghost determined by the things around me, until now this flash of anamnesis. Not remembering but forgetting a little less how we’d always been together…our graves side by side on several continents.
present tense (synopsis)
The parts of our being that are pre and post language—they’ve been activated and lit-up, even if the rest of our so-called conscious minds can’t grasp it. It’s like an opening in your body that lets in extra air, getting you a little high and freaked out from the oxygen.
ttys
I left BK the day before Ida. I'm heading west with an old acquaintance who is vaccinated but far from well…
words
“It’s like discovering a little snag of the secret thread that runs beneath the surface of things,” I told them. “Something ancient and beautiful that somehow also feels super familiar.”
benny & da hex
Hi, it's Odious. This is how i got the (ghost) band together
2008
I could see the branch of the Callery Pear tree that stretched across the fire escape, a presence that meant nothing to me during the day, but late at night its newly bloomed glowing white flowers seemed to turn into demonic faces stretched in laughter.
cw: suicide ideation
DOOM
At the end of 2020 Odious and I were in a holding pattern. Unusual, and possibly extraordinary things had happened, but there was no way to know what, if anything, any of it meant...
Nosferatu in Venice
I saved the file and went for a walk, as this often helps stave off the anxious feels whenever they start bubbling up. This time, however, going out only made it worse, edging me towards straight up panic attack territory for the first time in a while.
Rip Van Winkle
It was an ambivalent energy that was fucking with me—a darkness that didn’t fit into language. It’s that which was there before and that which will be there after we're finished with words.
